why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
