Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to cum in my sink.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize