you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize