you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
