I have demons in me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize