just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
