just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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