We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
