thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
