So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
