I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
