I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
