I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize