i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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