Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
