I hate all girls vehemently.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
