apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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