Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
