thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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