i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
