I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
