two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
