a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
