Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Alive.
So much puke
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
