We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
