I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
