I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
