I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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