So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
