Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
