This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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