the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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