im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
