If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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