Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
