omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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