Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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