Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
