I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
