fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize