Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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