Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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