just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
