Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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