Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
