Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize