Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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