he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
