I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize