My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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