Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
