I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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