ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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