Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
