My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
