that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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