You work out of a Hotel?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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