And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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