i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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