Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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