I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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