like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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