last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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