i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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