She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
