I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
