Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
