She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
