i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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