a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
