I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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