Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
smell my finger.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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