I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
