first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
