legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
