..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
