shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
