You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you win again, gameday.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
