Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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