Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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