Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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