nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
