you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
