is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
