Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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