I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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