She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
