do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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