well I can't set my house on fire every night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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