He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
