Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
