Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
