Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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