Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your cock deserves a montage
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
