it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
