he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
