I feel like abortions should bother me more
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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